A Special Graduation for Pride Month

Cover Photo Credit: Luis Xavier De Peña, Watermark Magazine

Bliss Health holistically serves a diverse community of people seeking to maintain or improve their health, relationships, and quality of life.

Bliss TRANSformation, one of their programs, is an annual conversational educational series that helps trans people learn ways to cope with the societal difficulties of being trans, become advocates for themselves and other transgender individuals, build leadership skills, and live successful lives. Bliss Health also facilitates and pays for each graduate’s legal name change. The TRANSformation program welcomes trans men, trans women, and anyone who identifies as non-binary.

The 2023 program, which had 60 participants, culminated in a graduation ceremony held at Typhoon Lagoon. It served as the kick-off of One Magical Weekend, the LGBTQIA+ Weekend at Walt Disney World Parks.

What a way to kick off Pride Month!

As part of their graduation ceremony on June 2nd, it was my honor to deliver the graduation keynote in the form of a group Transgender Naming Ceremony. Surrounded by family and friends, these graduates celebrated a pivotal milestone.

Ceremonies and rituals are deeply rooted in the art of flourishing as humans. They are a framework to commemorate, understand, share, and remember significant moments in our lives. They bring people together for a common purpose and foster & strengthen a sense of togetherness. Through ceremony, we experience a connection with something greater than ourselves like the community around us, or a relationship with culture and tradition.

A Transgender Naming Ceremony can hold tremendous meaning for those marking a transition to a new identity and a name that resonates with their true self. An affirming ceremony recognizes, acknowledges, and honors the courage it takes to be audaciously genuine. It can validate that individual’s journey and signify acceptance from those around us. It also provides healing and closure on the journey of self-acceptance and authenticity.

“…Throughout your life you have been swimming against the rushing current of cis-het norms and expectations. No matter how difficult, how scary, or how many times you were on that journey in solitude, you remained true to yourself. Your integrity and fortitude brought you here today. But you did not come here today in solitude. You came in solidarity, together with one another and with Bliss Health and all of the professionals, friends, family, allies, and advocates who have stood, and will continue to stand, with you…”

Ceremonies often contain rituals, like wedding unity rituals and water rituals in baby welcomings/namings. At the Transformations graduation, we joined in a community name-honoring ritual that celebrated each person’s new name, then we joined together in pledging to continue in positive self-care and to be a light in the world for others. We ended with a Humanist invocation before one last high-energy group participation moment. You just had to be there. 🙂

Congratulations to all of the graduates and thank you to Bliss Health for providing this important program that clearly made such an impact on each individual.

Mr. Rogers (no relation…) once said that when we see scary things in the news, “Look for the helpers. There are always people helping.” And the news these days can be scary indeed. The wisdom in looking for the positive is that what we choose to focus on informs our thoughts, which become actions, which define our character.

When we “look for the helpers”, we’re intentionally focusing on positive forces like Bliss Health’s TRANSformations program – and Nathan Bradley, the program’s fantastic coordinator – for inspiration to understand a little of the journey others are on – to walk a few steps in their shoes – and to find ways that we can make a difference for those around us.

Naming Ceremony, Humanist Celebrant Orlando — Read more about Transgender Naming Ceremonies

LINKS

Bliss Health: Website

Watermarkonline.com event photos by Luis Xavier De Peña

May 7, 2023May 7, 2023

Divorce Ceremonies

Humanist Celebrant Orlando Tee Rogers Divorce Ceremony

Can i share something personal with you? I got divorced. It was finalized on January 18, 2007 – yesterday, a million years ago. The sun was out that morning, but all i felt was darkness. alone. broken. lost. unlovable. all the bad feelings. It was a rough day. Even though it was the best decision for us to move on, and i was grateful to have had such a wonderful relationship in my life, i was still wracked with grief. Some days you just need a blankie and a teddy bear and a bottle of scotch, you know?

I was thinking about that day this morning while updating the Divorce Ceremonies page on my website. How would such a ceremony have impacted my life? I think it would have been AMAZING, healing, freeing.

Could it help you or someone you know?

Such a ceremony is a unique, intentional way to honor what has been lost, mark closure, and look forward to a new chapter. A professional celebrant will learn about your unique situation, write a custom ceremony, and officiate a meaningful experience.

Continue reading about what happens at Divorce Ceremonies here:

Divorce Ceremonies

May 2, 2023May 2, 2023

Humanist Celebrants and End-Of-Life Services

You’ve lost someone you love. And they, and/or your family, are not religious. From ceremony composition and officiation to diverse identity advocacy and safe-space support, please know that secular support and resources are available for you.

A Humanist Funeral honors someone’s life and memory in a way that reflects their Humanist values and beliefs. The focus is often on celebrating the life of the person who has passed away, rather than mourning their loss; however, if a more traditional, somber memorial is preferred by the family, this can be a Humanist service also.

The ceremony is usually conducted by a humanist Celebrant who works closely with you to create a personalized ceremony that reflects your loved one’s beliefs, values, and wishes.

The ceremony may include readings, poetry, music, and personal stories or anecdotes about the deceased. The officiant may also offer reflections on the meaning and purpose of life, the importance of love and human connection, and the enduring legacy of the deceased.

In a Humanist Funeral, there is no religious or supernatural content delivered by the Celebrant, such as prayers or references to an afterlife. Instead, the focus is on the here and now, and on the lasting impact that the deceased has had on the lives of those who knew and loved them. The Humanist Celebrant is ethically restricted from using religious language; if some religious content is desired, they will help incorporate it through readings and reflections delivered by family or friends.

Overall, a Humanist Funeral is a meaningful and respectful way to honor the memory of a loved one and to celebrate their life in a way that reflects their humanist values and beliefs.

Why are funerals Important?

Important for all Religious, Secular, and Spiritual Identities (RSSI), a funeral is a ceremony or service to honor and pay respect to a person who has died. It’s for family and friends to join together to mourn their loss, offer condolences, and celebrate the life of the deceased.

Funerals are important in the grieving process for many people, providing a safe, meaningful space for loved ones to share memories, offer support, and begin to come to terms with their loss – a point of closure. This ceremony can also be an opportunity to reflect on the meaning and purpose of life and to find comfort and solace in the company of others who are going through a similar experience.

Where is a Humanist Funeral Held?

Many of these services happen at the funeral home if there is a congregational venue available there. A funeral home is a wonderful choice for an end-of-life ceremony. Their staff is trained to support grieving families and their facilities are set up for these services; this is what they do. They will take the planning burden off of the family and ensure that things run smoothly.

Some may choose to have only a graveside service or committal, and the entire service happens at the cemetery or place of scattering.

If you want a more traditional, though inclusive and secular, funeral setting, Unitarian Universalist churches are often Humanist-affirming and their congregational center may be a wonderful option.

The service, however, can be done anywhere you would like (with restrictions if the body will be present), such as a home, garden, or restaurant.

What is in the script of a Humanist Funeral?

This can vary widely based on personal preference – there are no required parts or required order of things. In general, the service will include:

Opening remarks, Humanist Invocation, welcome
Reading of the eulogy
Music may be incorporated before, during, or following the ceremony
Guests sharing memories or tributes
Readings or poetry (usually one or two selections)
Closing words of inspiration and support

What is Humanist Advocacy in Deathcare?

Healthcare and Deathcare providers, and some individual professionals, can be faith-biased. This means they have a religious agenda, usually Christian-centric, that is ubiquitously imposed on those they care for even though it may not serve all of the individuals and families that come into their care. In a diverse, pluralistic culture where we have freedom of (and FROM) religion, no one should be forced to pray to or defer to someone else’s G/god(s) at a time of grief. For some minority religious and secular individuals, conversations requesting someone to honor their identity can be anxiety-causing and triggers for other trauma.

A Humanist Celebrant, if willing and qualified, can serve as your advocate, providing non-religious support to you and your family as well as assisting with inclusion-focused conversations with hospital chaplains, hospital and hospice staff, and funeral home staff. Having a Humanist Celebrant with you at the arrangement conference or at other important moments, in person or by phone, can alleviate some of the anxiety about discrimination, faith-bullying, and other very real challenges.

What services can a Humanist Celebrant provide?

A Humanist Celebrant, if certified and ordained through The Humanist Society, is legally recognized as clergy in the United States, being accorded the same rights and privileges granted by law to priests, ministers, and rabbis of traditional theistic religions.

Humanist Celebrants often serve as advocates for the non-religious as well as other marginalized identities. Minority faiths (such as Wiccan) or LGBTQIA+ individuals may engage a Humanist Celebrant for some or all of these services.

End-of-life services may include:

The Celebrant may visit the hospice or hospital to provide Humanist support to the dying and their family, as many secular families are frustrated by – even traumatized by – religious predators, at this difficult time, in the faith-biased healthcare industry;
The Celebrant can assist with finding an affirming funeral home provider (that will be affirming of a diverse identity such as Humanist, Atheist, minority religion, or LGBTQIA+);
The Celebrant may provide Humanist support or presence in communicating with funeral home, cemetery, and other professionals, as secular families may be discriminated against, harassed, Preyed upon, identity washed, and other challenges faced in the faith-biased funeral industry;
The Celebrant may attend a religious service or ceremony, and deliver a Humanist invocation or reading only, to honor the deceased or to be inclusive of those attending the service who are of diverse perspectives and/or non-religious identities;
The Celebrant can compose a custom ceremony, working with the family to select wording, readings, and invocations;
The Celebrant may be asked to write the obituary and/or the eulogy (sometimes a family member chooses to write this part or to closely collaborate with the Celebrant);
The Celebrant may serve as the officiant for the funeral service;
The eulogy – story of life and tribute to the deceased – is delivered as part of the service. This can be read by the Celebrant, or a family member may elect to do this. The Celebrant stands by to offer support.
The Celebrant may be asked to attend, and sometimes deliver a Humanist invocation or reading, at the visitation or viewing, graveside service or committal ceremony, or other ceremony such as a scattering or tree planting.
The Celebrant may be asked to attend or make a visit to the reception or repast.

Sample Humanist Readings and other resources can be found here:

Humanist Readings for Funerals

How is a Humanist Celebrant Paid?

The Celebrant usually charges an honorarium for end-of-life services. This style of ceremony and service fee is a “suggested amount”. Some families add gratuity and travel or extra time compensation to the fee, others pay less if they are unable to afford the ceremony fee. No one should be left without clergy representation and support, and Humanist advocacy where needed, at such a difficult time in their life.

Finding Affirming Providers

The best way to ensure that you have selected a funeral home and other professional services that are knowledgeable about and affirming of your identity is to pre-plan. Planning ahead, before there is a crisis, gives you a lower-stress opportunity to interview and research providers. Your Humanist Celebrant can guide and assist you with that process as well.

Humanist Celebrant Orlando’s owner, Tee Rogers, is also a pre-planning advisor in the funeral industry. She would be glad to answer any questions you have about pre-planning.

Humanist Celebrant Orlando Tee Rogers Identity Affirming Deathcare Directives

You can use tools such as the Identity Affirming Deathcare Directives to reflect on your identity-related end-of-life wishes and provide loved ones and professionals the guidance and tools to honor those wishes.

Humanist Celebrant Orlando, funeral service reviews

Review Funeral 2023 Humanist Celebrant Orlando Tee Rogers

April 24, 2023April 24, 2023

Gender Affriming Naming Ceremonies

A naming ceremony for gender change – also called a butterfly ceremony – celebrates a new identity, as a culmination of, or an important part of, a long and meaningful journey. When something is important in our lives – a milestone birthday, a wedding, a retirement – those we care about come together in support and celebration. We throw a party.

Naming ceremonies may be held by those who identify as a gender that is different from the one they were assigned at birth. This can include people who identify as transgender, non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, and many other gender identities.

Our name is connected to our identity, and the name we received at birth may not always reflect how we identify in the world – yet it informs how others perceive and treat us and how we perceive and treat ourselves. Making a change to a new name is significant, and marks an important moment in our journey.

In the journey of transition and validation of a non-cisgender or gender non-conforming identity, the formal affirmation of a new name in the presence of family and friends can be a meaningful, exciting milestone. It gives a clear message about the usage of the new name and what it means in someone’s life and a community affirmation of one’s new identity.

We hold ceremonies and rituals to create memories, celebrate, and share our important moments with friends and family. Ceremonies promote a sense of belonging and identity among a group, fostering community. Ceremonies can also be healing and mark a point of closure – and renewal – in our lives.

A Butterfly Ceremony is also an opportunity to thank those who have supported and guided you on your journey and share what this transition means for you as a person and for your future.

A professional Celebrant will craft a unique, personalized ceremony and officiate the ceremony portion of the event.

Some elements of the ceremony may include:

Welcome and Humanist invocation
The story behind your new name, its meaning to you, why you chose it
A statement or ritual for letting go of the past identity and honoring that identity and the journey. This can be particularly meaningful when including a parent in the re-naming ceremony and honoring the original given name.
Vows of the individual for self-love and acceptance
Vows of a trusted friend, selected individuals, or of the whole group to support you in your continued journey
Individuals to share readings, affirmations, or words of support
A ritual such as a cascade candle lighting, tree planting, or reveal of a name plaque or custom/original name artwork
Audience inclusion ritual such as namewarming (a necklace or other jewelry with the new name, passed around for everyone to briefly hold, then placed on you by the celebrant), audience pledges of support (call and repeat, written and collected, or individually spoken), or something fun like everyone doing a shot together during/at the end of the ceremony
Presentation of gifts or declarations of gratitude to specific people who have been of great support
Volunteer / service engagement (such as a Positive Postcards project to support a local LGBT Youth organization or a gift/food/money collection for them)*
A reading (poem, book excerpt, song lyrics)
Bewtowance or revealing of the name
The ceremony may be followed by a catered reception, dancing, or may be held at a public place with entertainment and food.

*Humanist Celebrant Orlando will host a FREE Positive Postcards project, as part of your Naming Ceremony package, in support of the Zebra Coalition.

August 29, 2022August 31, 2022

Obituaries: what, when, and how.

What is an Obituary?

The word obituary comes from the Latin obitus, going in the direction of ruin or death; sunset.

Whether a simple announcement of a death or a lengthy tribute, an obituary is a public posting by a family that a death has occurred, a public record of the person’s life and legacy, and/or an announcement of the final arrangements and services for those who may wish to attend.

Most are published online these days so family and friends everywhere can access the tribute. Some are still also published in newspapers; however, these tend to be shorter and more factual. Online tributes can include multiple photos, a more in-depth colloquy of a life lived, and comments, thoughts, and photos posted by friends and families. Some obituary sites are perpetual, others only post the listing for a finite increment of time, such as 90 days, to save server space.

The obituary may be used in various ways:

as the public announcement of a death
as the eulogy at a service (though eulogies may be more detailed than obituary)
printed in programs that are given at the service
framed or otherwise memorialized as a keepsake for the family
posted on or linked in family genealogy sites
included in a family genealogy album

Should you write your own?

Yes, you should. In my work as a planning advisor in the funeral industry, i’ve seen how difficult it is for families to write the obituary for a loved one they have just lost. Arduous and heart-wrenching, the composition of the obituary can even cause discord among loved ones – what goes in, what doesn’t, how things are worded, which photo to use, etc. When you’re pre-planning to protect your family, every burden you can take off their shoulders is a gift.

As a celebrant, i may write eulogies and obituaries or help families with that process. As a funeral & cemetery planning advisor, i encourage my clients to write out bullet points or a draft of their obituary and keep it updated. And if you don’t want an obit at all (and some don’t), make sure your family knows that.

I recently worked with someone terminally ill who wanted to write their own obituary so that their spouse wouldn’t have to do it. We went through multiple drafts, and it was very difficult, but it was so important to them to protect their spouse from having to go through that – and to make sure that certain parts of their life were highlighted. As we go through life, what is important to us changes; those around us at the time we pass may not recall or think to include aspects of our life that were extremely meaningful to us.

Obituary elements

An obituary can be difficult to think about – how do you capture an entire life in a few paragraphs? The obituary becomes the final public record of our lives.

An obituary is not required, and some who have few family members or who lived very private lives may not have one at all.

Most obituaries at a minimum contain the person’s name, age, date, and place of passing, city and state of residence (and home town, if different), and name of spouse/partner and children. They may list more relatives and are usually separated into “survived by” and “pre-deceased by” lists. They include memorial information such as the name of the funeral home and the date, time, and place for the viewing and service(s).

The formula is generally: decedent information (name, dates, and places of birth and death), family, personal information/life story, and information about the service.

Talk to others – no matter how well you knew your loved one, you will learn amazing new things about them by asking their friends and family members for their favorite stories and memories. Even if you are pre-writing your own – consider reaching out. What you learn about you may surprise you! Scroll down for more ways to personalize an obituary or eulogy.

Example: Sam Smith passed away on April 10th, 2022, after a long battle with cancer, surrounded by loved ones at home. Sam was active in volunteering for the Breast Cancer Society throughout their illness, leading fundraising initiatives and teams for awareness walks. Before cancer became a focus, Sam had been an avid volunteer with the local animal shelter. They are survived by two Great Danes (Bobby and Doggo) and a large “framily” (friend family). Sam was pre-deceased by spouse Jordan, parents Drew and Jesse Smith, and multiple rescue animals nurtured and loved through hospice care. A celebration of life sunrise service will be held Friday, July 3, at 6:30 a.m. at Riverside Park, followed by breakfast and a memorial tree planting. Donations to the Breast Cancer Society or to Pat’s Animal Rescue in Sam’s honor are appreciated.

Request an Obituary or other celebrant service

Making it Personal

Here are some things to reflect on as you write an obituary or eulogy:

What was their preferred name and pronouns? Are there any nicknames, monikers, “go-by’s” that they would want to be included?
The dates that bracket “the dash” – the birth date and death date. City & state (and/or country) of birth and death.
Where did they consider “home” to be? Where else did they live that was a significant part of their life?
Include the cause of death? For example, “after a 10-year battle with cancer…” can tie into requests at the end for donations to cancer research.
Origins – culture and heritage
Parents’ names and places of birth.
Living family members (siblings, children, grandchildren, grandparents, friends, pets, etc.)
Deceased family members (siblings, children, grandchildren, grandparents, friends, pets, etc.)
Marriage(s) – date(s) of marriage(s) and spouse name(s).
Love story – how they met, where they married, significant moments in their marriage
Military service – branch, years, rank, wars served in, memberships such as VFW, and other important information.
Education – high school, college or tech school, field of study
Awards, honors, and recognitions
Character & quirks
What did they enjoy? Hobbies, passions, sports, activities, etc.
Profession / Occupation – job title, career, stories, accomplishments, other jobs held in life. Why did they go into this occupation or why was it important to them?
The “other job” – How did they invest their personal time? Whether volunteer work, helping neighbors, or a hobby that was like a piece of their soul -what were their vocations in addition to their paid profession?
Community involvement and memberships – Were they involved in any charitable organizations? congregational membership in religious, secular, or spiritual organizations? political, fraternal, or other affiliations?
What made your loved one unique? What did people always notice about them?
What would they feel is their greatest legacy? were they most proud of (accomplishments, the difference they made in the world)
Their quote: what is something they always said? or something they would want their loved ones to know? What is one thing they hope others learned from the story of their life?
Did they have a personal mission statement, dearly held values, or other ethical/internal guideposts?
Three words that sum up your loved one’s life.
Their favorite quote or short poem

Obituary FAQ

Q: What about Identity Theft? I’ve heard that you should never post an obituary because predators use them for stealing information.

A: It is true (and very sad) that the theft of deceased identities is quite common. However, much of the information you provide in the obituary is available by other means. You may want to be careful what you include, such as avoiding exact dates of birth and death, mother’s maiden name, etc. You should definitely have information security in mind as you write an obituary.

Your funeral director will have filed with Social Security and given you a list of things you need to do after your loss; getting those things done reduces the risk to your family, as does having an Estate Planning Attorney to guide you. There are also identity theft services that guard deceased identities.

Q: When should the Obituary be published?

A: This is usually done very quickly, as it often contains information about a service that may be coming up very soon. Some will post a death notice first so that the factual information is there (name, date of death, service information), giving themselves a few days to compose, or hire a writer to compose, the full obituary.

Q: I have to write an obituary for my son, who was gay and involved in political activism. These were both VERY important in his life, but some of our family do not approve and I don’t want to cause any fights.

A. oof. That’s a challenge i see often for families of LGBTQIA+ individuals and minority Religious, Secular, or Spiritual Identities (RSSI). We want to authentically honor the life of our loved one without tearing the family apart. Only you can make the decision. Someone who was actively involved & making their voice heard for a cause may want the message they amplified present in their life story.

Whether as simple as honoring preferred pronouns, as subtle as leaving out religious references, or as loud and explosive as celebrating their accomplishments as an activist, this can be a difficult decision to make. If they had written it, what would they have done?

There’s a free workbook called the Identity Affirming Deathcare Directives intended to assist us in reflecting on how our own LGBTQ+ or RSSI identity will inform our near-death care and deathcare, but it may help you in reflecting on your loved one’s identity as well.

Q. Can i write an obituary for my pet?

A. Absolutely. Just as there are cemeteries dedicated to pets, there are websites dedicated to pet obituaries such as Heaven’s Pets and Pet Heaven. Sadly, most use “heaven” or some other faith-biased reference.. Your pet crematory may also have a memorial page. Some will include the pet obituary as part of their blog, on a family genealogy site, or in a personal scrapbook of obituaries.

Writing or reading an obituary about someone or something you love who/that has been lost can be a healing exercise, helping you reflect on the value they brought to your life and the difference their life made in the world.

Q. What’s the best format to list family members?

A. They are listed by closest relation first: spouse (current first if listing multiple spouses), children (oldest to youngest), grandchildren, great-grandchildren, parents, and siblings. You list the name of the relative with their spouse’s name in parentheses. For example, Sam is survived by their spouse Hao Smith, children Kit (Lex) Smith-Livingood and Tommie Smith, and two Great Danes, Bobby and Doggo. Sam is predeceased by parents Drew and Jesse Smith and infant child Ollie.

Q. Is humor in an obituary appropriate?

A. Obituaries and eulogies should reflect and honor the person, but also be respectful of those reading or receiving the words. Some may not want the final story of their life to be dour. I read one that began… “Pete was a jokester who kept us all in high spirits…” and the obituary contained multiple jokes and puns, tastefully presented.

November 19, 2021November 19, 2021

Personalized Wedding Ceremony Guide

A ceremony can be provided for a couple by their officiant (notary) or celebrant (Humanist or religious clergy). Some don’t even get to review it before their wedding day.

You have a choice – The words, rituals, and experience of your ceremony can be as unique as you are! Here are some suggestions for personalizing your ceremony and vows.

That sounds intimidating – how much work is it?

Personalizing your ceremony can be as simple as answering a few questions for your celebrant, reading some samples to select elements you like, or just including your own vows or statements of love. Or, you can have a fully personalized ceremony written by you, or written for you.

It’s important to ask your celebrant or officiant if you can review the ceremony and talk to them about personalization options.

Your ceremony should reflect your values and character.

What is required for a ceremony?

By law, you must each declare that you are willingly entering into the legal arrangement of marriage. This must be witnessed by a qualified official (Humanist or religious clergy, notary, etc) and they must sign your marriage license. This doesn’t even have to be done during the ceremony, it can be done just before we sign the marriage certificate after the ceremony.

The order of things, rituals, and language have no legal requirements other than the declaration & signing. However, religious, cultural, or family traditions may have expectations and requirements that you may want to honor.

The first step is a conversation.

Talk to one another about what you want in a ceremony. What does this ceremony mean to you? Maybe the words are not important – the act and symbolism are. Or you may want a humorous ceremony that friends and family will talk about for years to come. Or you may want a serious, solemn, “deep and meaningful” ceremony. Some want a combination of all of that. Together, rate these styles in order of importance.

Any of these can be crafted to have a more traditional feel or to be the most unique ceremony your friends and family have ever experienced.

How long should my ceremony be?

That is up to you. Your ceremony might be a few minutes, or it might be an hour. Consider your guests: do you have elderly guests? Will guests be standing outdoors in a garden? Are you trying to time your kiss for a specific moment (like sunrise, or a favorite time of day?

Who writes the ceremony?

Couples may write their own ceremony or provide enough of the ceremony to the celebrant that it can be easily organized for you.

You can certainly hire someone, such as your celebrant or another professional writer, to write a personal ceremony for you. Many celebrants have sample ceremonies you can choose from and may even allow you to use and edit them at no charge. Others may charge by the type of ceremony for personalization. You can also ask a friend or family member to write your ceremony on their own or to work with your celebrant.

HCO’s method – Humanist Celebrant Orlando has five pre-written original Humanist ceremony templates you can use as-is or edit as you’d like. They range from minimal/brief to a complete guide for a fully personalized ceremony that you craft yourselves or with your celebrant. Some guidance and assistance are built into the wedding package, or we can fully write an original, unique ceremony just for you (see Price List page).

Can the ceremony be non-religious?

Many couples are breaking from religious tradition and using secular ceremonies either because they are not religious themselves or because they have guests of diverse religious, secular, and spiritual backgrounds, and want a ceremony that will be meaningful and respectful to everyone there.

Humanist Celebrant Orlando specializes in non-religious ceremonies that are inspiring, compassionate, and personalized to you, honoring your journey as a couple. A Humanist Celebrant is not ethically able to use religious language, although we can weave religious elements into your ceremony through guest-led readings or songs.

Who’s the Bride?

Traditional wedding ceremonies may use language & order that assume antiquated binary gender “man and woman” identity. Not a web we need to be caught in. Even if you choose a template or pre-written ceremony, the order of names and use of pronouns can be adjusted.

Names. Many couples ask me to flip their names (e.g., “we’re here today to celebrant Ayden and Peyton…” and the next instance would be “Peyton and Ayden”). Others use alphabetical order rather than gender-biased order.

Pronouns. The ceremony can be written without pronouns, or incorporating each spouse’s pronouns where appropriate. E.g., “Peyton, take Ayden’s hand in yours and place the ring on zir finger as you repeat after me…”.

What are the “ceremony building blocks”?

As mentioned above, there are only two requirements: declaration and signing. In fact, at a “sign & go” or “marry now” wedding, that’s all we do!

Beyond that, you have a Tabula Rasa – a blank slate – that you can use to create the perfect ceremony. There is no specified order and anyone can lead any section of the ceremony, but you want things to flow well. Your celebrant can help with reviewing a ceremony you write and making helpful suggestions. Some options include:

Processional (seating of parents/grandparents, wedding party entrance, spouse entrance individually or together, etc)
Welcome
Recognition of special guests, those who could not be present, etc.
Invocation
Your Love Story
Audience inclusion ritual(s)
Readings
Declaration of Intent (required)
Audience participation (such as a wedding circle during the vows)
Vows
Exchange of rings / tokens
Ring vows / gift vows
Family, child, and/or pet vows
Audience vows
Unity Ritual(s)
Guest Reading(s)
Guest Speaker(s)
Guest Performance(s)
Song(s) / music
Words of Advice
Closing remarks
Pronouncement
Recessional

Personal Vows or Statements of Love

There are many ways you can exchange vows, from the most basic declaration ( e.g., “Do you take ___ to be your lawfully wedded spouse?”) to elaborate performances.

The declaration can be woven into your personal vows, or done separately with your personal vows to follow. For example, after “I do’s” are spoken, the celebrant invites each to share their personal vows or statements of love.

What’s the difference between “Vows” and “Statements of Love”?
Not much; they’re used in the same way in the ceremony. A vow is a pledge or a promise. Things you will do for one another throughout your life: love and honor, respect, etc. A statement of love might be more about what you love about that person and what you want for your future together. It may be the story of your love for the other rather than a promise to do certain things (although the declaration of lawful marriage consent must be included before or within the vows or statement of love).

This can be recited or read by each of the spouses or can be prompted by the celebrant. Or projected on a screen. Or prompted by a member or members of the wedding party or guest(s) in the audience. Be creative – especially if this is the only part of the ceremony that is personalized.

Standard vow example: I (name) take you (name) to be my lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Here are some suggestions to help with writing your own vows or statements of love:

Reflect on your journey together. How did you meet? What is your favorite memory of your fiance?
Of the 7 billion people on this planet, you’ve chosen to pair-bond with this person. Why?
Come up with 10-20 words or brief phrases that describe how you want your marriage to be.
Make a list of things that make marriage successful that you see in people you know – your family, friends, or culture
Jot down 10 words or phrases that capture what you love most about your fiancé.
Do a google search (after you make your own lists) of vow examples and jot down some phrases that seem meaningful to you.
Reflect on what you are prepared to promise the other person, and what you would like them to promise to you. Is it meaningful to you both? Does it reflect your values? Is it realistic? For example, most couples these days do not have different vows based on binary gender expectations (like “obey” for women). OK, if you’re crafting a BDSM-themed wedding ceremony, then “obey” might be in there somewhere.
Make it timeless. Speaking of themes, remember that your relationship, and each of you, will grow and change over time. Review your ceremony and vows: when you reflect back on your ceremony years from now, will it still be meaningful to you both?

You can write them on your own or share your notes with your celebrant or a friend who can help you organize them.

If you’re writing your own vows – especially if keeping them secret from one another until the ceremony – it is a good idea to select one (or more) trusted friend or family member to review both spouses’ drafts. Your celebrant can also help – but someone who knows you well is a great choice. If meaningful to you, you may want to ensure that they are each about the same length and the same style and tone (e.g. humorous, whistful, or serious).

It’s yours to keep.

The memory of this day is yours. You’ll look back on it. If your celebrant provides a keepsake ceremony, you might read it to each other on anniversaries, or use it to renew your vows many years from now. Even a simple ceremony that takes only minutes becomes an important moment in your journey together.

How do you want to remember this day?